5 Clues She’s Not Into You & Your Dream Girlfriend is Somewhere Else

Several years ago, “Sex and the City” aired an episode called “Pick-A-Little, Talk-A-Little” (Season 6, Ep. 4 for the diehards). Carrie’s boyfriend Berger, played by the hilarious and delightfully adorable Ron Livingston, says to Miranda, who is trying to figure out the clues a guy is sending after a date: “Alright, I’m not gonna sugar-coat it for you: He’s just not that into you.” It’s a revelation! And the line became the inspiration for a relationship advice book named, you guessed it, He’s Just Not That Into You. Did you know it goes both ways?  Despite popular belief, women hook up with men for action all the time. Just because you’re getting flirted with or you’re having sex doesn’t mean she’s open to a relationship.  Here are 5 clues that she’s not into you:

  1. You’re always her “friend” when you meet someone new. Sure you may be out for drinks before going back to her place. But if she continually downplays who you are, she’s interested in the FWB route, not relationship territory.
  2. She talks about sex. A lot. This may come in the form of bragging or genuinely curious conversation. And taken on its own, it’s not a sign that she just wants sex. Combined with some of these other red flags, it might be.
  3. You get booty calls but her calendar seems to be otherwise full. I’m sure plenty of men have loved the fact that they’re a booty call, but if you’re in the mood for a girlfriend, you should avoid late-night rendezvous with a woman who doesn’t want to see you for dinner. It’s a clue she’s not into you…at least not in the girlfriend kind of way.
  4. She invites you over to her house often. Now, this could just be an awesome gal pal trait, but if she invites you over often, it means she trusts you. This one’s tough. It could mean that she views you as just a friend, or it could also mean that she’s totally into you. So don’t shy away too quickly if you want to spend more time with her.
  5. You never really talk. Relationships are built on communication, sharing laughs, and getting to know each other. If she keeps things light and always defaults to flirtation – say, when you’re talking about politics or something objectively serious – then she might not be into you, honey.

For more tips and tricks in Dating Land, check out Transmissions from Dating Land: The Revised & Expanded Edition

About Megan

A Holistic Communications Coach, Megan combines her knowledge and training in meditation, mindfulness, neuroscience, psychology, military history (yes, really!), writing, journalism, and public speaking to help women (and some men) overcome their fears and step into their wholeness with grace and ease.

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